Let's play catch-up...

Back in December 2016, I created a running document for jotting any writing material that did not belong anywhere in the longer pieces I was working on at the time. Whenever I opened this particular doc, I would start off by typing the day’s date before anything else. Besides just having a regular place to house my random writings, I thought it could possibly be a good way to foster a better habit of dating all of my material. It turns out that it can be a frustrating predicament when trying to work with older material that only shows the month and day without the year or is missing the entire date altogether. Putting together fragments of the past into appropriate time frames, and lacking a sharp and snappy memory recall to do so arbitrarily, creates an annoying sort of challenge.
 
So anyway, by utilizing the above-mentioned document whenever it came in handy, I ended up with a patchy kind of journal which moves in sequential order from December through all the months that followed. It is an amalgam of ideas, events and emotions, both with and without rhyme or reason – lots to share and some definitely to spare.
 
… And from this document, I draw my list of snippets:
 
December 2nd
I do not understand what is happening. What is happening?
 
December 19th
The joys of puppy parenthood. Biff and Dacks had been at my house for four days with no accidents. We went for walks on two of those days (tried our best at least – more like them still trying to walk me). It was morning on the fourth day, and Biff did not allow me the usual leeway of time between waking me up and going out to pee. He woke me up by leaping on the bed and standing on top of me, then jumped right off the bed as I sat up, and immediately started peeing on a brand new carpet. I threw a pair of my jeans, the quickest accessible item, directly under his steady stream and caught most of it.
 
Following this lovely episode, I took both pups downstairs to let them outside. Biff somehow nuzzled his way through my legs and the doorway, instantly realized he was not tethered, and took off on a five-minute adventure of freedom. Dacks noisily bounced around inside while he waited for Biff to return from his little romp. (He eventually listened and came back to the house like a good boy.)
 
I went to a friend’s house later that same day for lunch. I was gone for about 2 ½ hours. This was the exact amount of time I was gone the day before when my puppies were little angels, both of them hanging out in the living room instead of going in their crates while I was away. This time around was a different story. I arrived home to find all of the dirt and leaves from one of my grandmother's plants haphazardly spread out all over both of the couches in the room.
 
Things did not really improve, as our evening walk got cut extremely short because I first had to collect an entire box worth of shredded tissues strewn about the living room floor. If I did not retrieve the tattered pieces fast enough, I knew Dacks would happily eat all of it. He has an uncanny fondness for paper products.
 
December 24th
Road trip.
 
December 25th
I am certain that I have never experienced a Christmas quite like this one before… The holidays this year are a cruel joke of nightmarish proportions.
 
December 28th
I recently watched a documentary called “Somm” about four sommeliers studying to take their Master Sommelier Exam. Now I fully understand why Master Sommeliers are paid the big bucks. The exam that they must pass in order to earn their title is considered one of the hardest exams in the world! It is precisely the kind of exam that I would love to complete just for the sole purpose of seeing how substantially I would fail.
 
January 25th
I am trapped in a Catch 22.
 
January 26th
When you run out of money to buy more dog treats, you just have to make your own! My dogs seem to really like them. But then again, dogs eat poo, so I don’t really know if that’s saying much.
 
February 5th
I am going to be a grandmother! Say what!? I am pretty sure my first spectacular response to this news was, “Holy f***!”
 
I do give my son and his girlfriend props for the way they shared this wild information with me, as it was done in a clever way in which they did not have to say anything at all! Instead, I told myself the stunning news as I read aloud what was written on the coffee mug they made for me:
 
“I need this coffee cause I am going to be a grandma.”
 
Priceless. What was even better is after they made the rounds to inform various family members that they were going to be having a baby, they found out that they were having twins! Yup. So they had to make the rounds a second time to let everyone know there was going to be two! Just wild.
 
February 13th
The sun shines for everyone.
 
February 14th
What part of our failure to communicate comes from our own brokenness?
 
February 18th
I do NOT believe that needing another person is a sign of weakness. It does mean that at times, you may have to sit with feelings of vulnerability, which can be a scary place to be. But using that reasoning to blame others for your own actions is a copout.
 
February 25th
Being supportive does not always equate to taking someone’s side.
 
March 7th
Women work through the emotions so they don’t fall apart.
 
March 16th
These are not my words, and I do not remember where I heard them. But I wholeheartedly agree: Spend your time on those who love you unconditionally. Don't waste it on those who only love you when the conditions are right for them.  
 
March 24th
I am me. No other way to be. I may discover how to grow into better or stronger versions over the years, but the genuine essence of my core self will always remain true at heart.
 
April 7th
Dreaming of tornadoes
 
April 28th
A heart made of patches.
 
When a hurt sits so deeply embedded somewhere within the intricate wirings and rushing whispers of our hearts, it can become covered and lost, with never a chance to heal.
 
No wonder so many people dream of being a superhero.
 
When you arrive at a place of core contradiction. When you realize that you no longer understand a person you thought you knew so well. When an approach to a specific value is so vastly different, and you are submerged in this warped-like lengthy stretch of life when perplexing circumstances keep pummeling you in the gut. But rather than springing back like finely chiseled abs, your gut is recessed in a state of tension as uncertainties begin to tango away all of your oxygen and strength.
 
Talk to people. Say something. Scream. Find healthier ways to share your anger so that it does not one day explode in detriment.
 
April 29th
When meaningful words become fluff.
 
When a person closes every door, there’s a point when all that’s left to do is be grateful for being shown how very much more you deserve.
 
May 5th
A few months ago, I decided to nix my first-ever-tweet about my “Go Fund Me” campaign. My initial dilemma was a “blah” level of interest in increasing the amount of time I spent looking at my laptop screen. Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did not care to encounter the word “tweeting” every day at a time when the topic of birds made me too emotional. Soon after that, I closed my campaign. I remain a non-tweeter.
 
May 10th
Maybe we just get stuck on a different part of the story… a different page once in a while. Our individual pace slows or hastens, possibly even steadies for some time. It's when the pages become blurred and soon read separate struggles, somehow far from those you love. It is then when it becomes even more important to allow others (and yourself) the time to navigate alternate storylines. Even in the midst of any disconnect, we should be able to trust that those who love us have our back throughout the fog, remaining honest and dependable until we arrive on the same page together once again. And if that does not happen, then it might be time to recognize that you belong in completely separate books.
 
May 13th
The moon is exactly half of its size tonight. Equal parts. 50/50. Balanced.
 
June 18th … at 1:20 am
A bird is tweeting and chirping away, all lively and loud as if enjoying morning daylight. Technically, it is the wee hours of the morning. But still…. silly bird.
 
July 17th
Spartan. I have always been drawn to the notion of not knowing what challenge I will encounter next in an obstacle course. Loved and looked forward to every water station. Scouting out shadier spots for setting up the stations would definitely lead to some cooler water on a such a super-sunny hot day, but every sip was quite refreshing nonetheless! A rewarding (and sometimes painful) experience.
 
July 18th
Dear Mr. President Who Did Not Want to Leave Any Child Behind: You prompted an upheaval of our educational system which, over time, exacerbated into a stinking heap of mandates that smothered the very soul of what really matters about learning and teaching.
 
July 19th
All of us fall off the planet at certain times. It is so easy to fill our days with the musts and shoulds and needs and have-tos, and easily negate any wants because no time remains. Then one day you realize you have fallen so out of touch and must focus on finding your way back to a place of balance again.
 
One beautiful thing about genuine friendship is that our true friends in life, the ones who really know us and understand all the ins and outs and ups and downs of who we are – they love you no matter what. They forgive at times it is needed. They embrace your faults and weaknesses without judgment. They allow you to experience the world as you need to, for yourself as an individual. They even take the time to call you out on your shit if you are being ignorant somehow and need to expand your perspective or change your outlook.
 
Vibrant sun. Brilliant blue sky. Calm, wispy clouds. Air light with low humidity. A refreshing gentle breeze – a zephyr! (good word). When you pause to soak in God's beauty, no matter what you are doing or where you are, it is often a reminder to be thankful. To experience for even a moment, the peacefulness and awe of grandeur that exists in nature… it is intense, translucent. Undeniably compelling.
 
August 3rd
What it all boils down to is that every single person on the planet is anal in some respect. When two people are able to accept each other's "anal-ness" and still be copacetic, it is a good bond they share. On the other hand, when those areas of anal qualities do not mesh, someone in the equation will always feel misunderstood. (Profound, I know.)
 
August 6th
I love working in my outdoor cubicle.
 
August 9th
My grandbabies are here! Beautiful identical twin girls!
 
Going into her second day of labor (yes, almost two full days!), their mom described the pain she was feeling as “sunburn on the inside”.  I appreciated the analogy. Definitely one I had never heard before.
 
The “grandmother” part is still sinking in; and I am still trying to decide what they will call me. (The usual terms do not speak to me.)
 
August 15th
I saw Kermit the Frog in the clouds today!
 
Decide to let go, and choose not to live in fear.
 
August 17th
Why is it when things seem to be going fairly well, something comes along to knock you on your ass? Literally! I got thrown onto my ass yesterday on a slippery deck! I wisely (yeah right… not thinking at all) stepped down onto a wet deck from a standing position on top of a bench seat. Next thing I know, my foot flies out from under me, and I hover in midair (a slow motion moment) as my whole weight shifts, and the middle of my back slams against the edge of the fixed wooden bench now behind me. It thrust my head back with such force that it caused an instantaneous headache. I think I felt my brain bounce against the back of my skull. I was immediately thankful that it was my back and not my head that hit the bench for that would not have been a pleasant outcome. Nope, not by any means. Hopefully, my neck will not be feeling the aftereffects of whiplash for too long.
 
September 3rd
How is it September already? It is really weird not to be stressing about the start of a new school year.
 
I love how Salvador Dali writes in the same style as his art.
 
September 7th
For no particular reason, I decided to research the 50 state quarters that were released by the United States Treasury. In doing so, I discovered that I could not name all five of the permanent territories of the United States: American Samoa, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. So I created an acrostic poem. The first letter of each line going down in the poem creates an acronym, basically a mnemonic device to help me remember the territories. I figured at least this way, there is a small chance I will be able to recall each territory again at some point down the road (as long as I first remember my senseless poem). Otherwise, this info will not hold any space in my long term brain recollection data collection area.
 
My acrostic poem:
A
Great
North
Pole...
Um
 
… which later became “A Great North Pole Umbrella” – thanks to Birdman’s input. The selection of words starting with “u” that I was coming up with did not fit well in my cool little poem. So naturally, I settled on “...um” (brilliant). Umbrella it is!
 
October 1st
I have never read Henry David Thoreau’s Walden, and I have owned the book for at least 20 years. Maybe it is time to finally read it. I came across this Walden excerpt the other day, and I absolutely love it:
 
"I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion, as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."